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Michelle From Hell (1)
44 years old Houston, Texas, United States

Last Blog Entries

	IT IS ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME! Wednesday, May 09, 2012 1:00:am (0 comments)
	debauchery dungeons Tuesday, May 08, 2012 5:59:am (0 comments)
	update Tuesday, May 08, 2012 12:33am (0 comments)
	I forgot to tell y'all my cancer is back! Friday, January 13, 2012 8:55:am (0 comments)
	So my evil heart got a giggle then a aw that sucks moment all at once yesterday Friday, January 13, 2012 8:53:am (0 comments)
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So yes I am in love

Blog Created: Friday, September 30, 2011 2:26:58 PM
Blog Views: 195

Boys ask questions ...MEN give answers
Boys play house ....MEN build homes
Boys shack up ....MEN get married
Boys make babies.... MEN raise children
A boy won't raise his own children.... A MAN will raise his and someone else's Boys invent excuses for failure.... MEN produce strategies for success
Boys look for somebody to take care of them.... MEN look for someone to take care of
Boys seek popularity.... MEN demand respect and know how to give it
Men do what they want & boys do what they can

When I read this it made me think of my relationships with submissives, especially males – in particular about the one in my life right now. It is common knowledge that my mate/slave – Will - is 15 years my junior. Also everyone knows I vowed to only date younger men after the demise of my second marriage – where AGAIN I married a man six years my senior who wasn’t what I expected. As for women, I have always kept close company with younger ones – some of them slaves and/or submissives – as my best friends. So in some ways the above fits for that dynamic as well, but since discussing that would not be living in this moment; I am instead going to focus on the man who has been in my life FIVE years on October 13.

While taking up training/having slaves/submissives/pets, I found myself attracted to people who were at a chronological place of ‘bridging’ to another phase of life. When I met Will, he was only 23 and very much the boy. I had the ambition to show him how free and fun life could be until it was time to be a grown-up. We planned [and still discuss] finding his wife once I raised him into a man.

I was more accustomed to working with folks who were in their late 20’s at times where they were about to bridge into the adulthood needed for their 30’s. I am good at helping people define themselves and at building confidence. I could still give these talents to Will while having a cute boy on my arm, looking at me adoringly for this acceptance into a world he had fantasized about through his teen years and semi-searched for before meeting me. All of the ‘misgivings’ of youth were the trade I signed on for at the start.

I wanted the fun of those earlier years, so I reset my mindset to this new dynamic while developing a new standard in my basic training. I didn’t feel it would be fair to demand of him much of the adult responsibilities faced by previous slaves – so we made a list of what expectations on servitude would be required should he want an enduring relationship with me. We also agreed these expectations would be increased if the relationship matured.

His age led me to believe the best way to guard my heart was to be prepared for youthful mistakes, occasional poor choices and learn to develop more patience. This went well with my recent life lesson – wisely given to me by TempleofFlesh’s Princess Krista – “Accept; don’t Expect”. While the negotiation required certain expectations there were many things I knew I could accept. Since much of this was to be built around fun and not full time, it had an element of terminality in both of our minds. I wanted the training to focus around fun kind of stuff. The serious stuff I almost preferred to handle alone if we were not going to be living together.

To make this even easier I developed a term for our dynamic: P [perfectly] E [entertaining] T [treat]. PET really gave us the outlook that our moments together were to bring enjoyment to each others’ lives. Plus none of the old terms fit what we came up with as our definition of this relationship. He would have liked to be “an Alpha Boy”, should we become poly; because he knew he had Topping desires. [When – if -- that time should return this is not a problem for me, as my ultimate preference is for Alphas. Right now it’s all on the back burner! I expect it to change again but the new morphing will have a much more clear negotiation. By that time it’ll be a good time for renegotiation anyhow.]

He would not be a “slave”, or a “submissive” either. He wanted the servitude responsibilities socially, but more limited in private then I define those roles overall. He wanted it to be known as my property while being allowed to maintain his own identity. He was open to learning what the expectations of those roles would be, should he need to know. Plus it’s a topic I bring up when looking at situations with people who say they live the D/s dynamic – as many of our friends do.

Boys ask questions ...MEN give answers – This is a progression we have gone through in the past few years. At first he spent time getting to learn how I preferred my food and drinks. He focused on many details of social engagement and asked questions whenever they popped into his head. We shared discussions about relationships and/or the politics of the community, where I asked him questions so I could garnish a fresh point of view. These simple exercises/interactions of ‘dating’ helped.

He matures in his way of thinking and looking at the world -- more often then not -- very quickly. That comes from seeing everything Rock-N-Roll from the backstage. But in some ways he begins to develop a bit of an ego. I hadn’t really noticed how out of check it was growing into, until it was too late. His cockiness was appealing to me.

When I did finally catch on to his ‘new phase’ was after I had allowed a third to be negotiated in as a secondary pet – ultimately his pet –but tossed in the new NO sexual play clause. I made sure he didn’t need to ask questions by reiterating the clause and the agreed to expectations. He kept giving me reasons for her to be around more then our original agreement when we first started searching/developing a standard for what the person we were looking for would be expected. To be fair she was also building up him in other ways, so he was propped up by both ends. WARNING TO OTHER DOMINANTS TO SWITCHES – this is BAD.

It came to a head the day we found out we have herpes – the very reason for the NO SEXUAL CONTACT CLAUSE IN THE NEGOTIATION! He didn’t ask questions or even give a big-headed-asshole reason. Instead of that kind of crap, he responded with the most honest answer any man who has cheated on me ever gave, “I got greedy. I broke the rules and now we are sick because of it. I am sorry.” Wow. That’s not a boy. That’s a straight up MAN.

Boys play house ....MEN build homes – By this point we’d been living together for about two years. Thought we had moved beyond just playing house…We were finally in a house that we could fix up however we wanted and our landlord appreciated us for it. We had both been working on it very hard, because the time before this the house we got one which we poured a full family effort into got ripped out beneath us. [Now that house reflects the peak of their ‘relationship’/makes me cry to think of, but because the fates love me so much it has been torn down!] I spent a few days crying about the whole mess before I found out about the cancer. I was worried that he would not be man enough to stay with me through the hard times ahead.

After owning up like a man to the shit, he proved he still deserved to be thought as of one. I told him it would take a huge effort to prove it to me. To assure me that he was the man I wanted, he took on making sure this house was well kept while I was sick with very minimal help from my kids. He took me to treatment every weekday morning and went to work each day, only to return to cleaning and cooking for us. He took on arranging how the bills got paid. When I needed some one to manage what the doctors were saying, he took charge and kept them in check. He became my AlphaSlave that I had dreamed about for years. This forced him to really grow up and be a MAN.

Boys make babies.... MEN raise children
A boy won't raise his own children.... A MAN will raise his and someone else's
In the beginning Will treated my kids as his friends. They treated him similarly. Time and responsibilities changed this to much more of a fatherly/mentor like dynamic. It’s so close that when the shit hit the fan about that third, they begged me to not toss him out. During the cancer they saw his devotion and knew they’d done the right thing. Some day I do want to find the right girl for him to breed with – although I think now he’d much rather settle for being an uncle and a grandfather. I just know he’d make beautiful babies and would love them the right way – like he has me and my kids.

Boys invent excuses for failure.... MEN produce strategies for success --
Getting the clear on the cancer means we have the chance to make a fresh start on life. My physical difficulties put me in the position currently where employment is still a ways away. Will realizes that his career as a cowboy is coming to a point that it no longer meets his lifestyle ambitions. Currently he’s researching his next career move. He’s trying to produce a strategy for success!

Boys look for somebody to take care of them.... MEN look for someone to take care of –
Since Will was not brought in as a slave, I took on all cooking responsibilities. For one I thought he couldn’t cook and secondly I enjoy how he acts when I control the food. To me it is part of taking care of him. I didn’t expect him to ever take care of me. One visit to Austin – about a year after we’d been together – he made me pancakes. Pancakes are not that easy! I started looking at him in a different light. If he was showing me this side of him to show his appreciation for my efforts to come to him, then maybe we could enter another phase in our relationship. Over the time of my illness I lost my ability to cook. My boy-friend stepped up and became my Man-friend. He may not be a chef but he damn sure took care of all of us.

Boys seek popularity.... MEN demand respect and know how to give it
I don’t like the order of this quoted piece, but I am going to continue to run with it. When Will first came to me I was moving on from being a party hostess/group leader into a full-time professional Fetishist. Sinfest was being born. I was traveling and performing all over the state. Real Rock-n-Roll lifestyle shit. He called me his Golden Ticket. Because he’s so damn cute and charming popularity was pretty much assured. But respect…well shit…we all know the best way is to earn it is by giving it to the right/deserving people. After five years – mistakes and all – he should have a good amount of it. Even my gal pals who held the cheat against him are softening a little after observing his accomplishments in care giving during the cancer.

Men do what they want & boys do what they can
Will has always pretty much done whatever he’s wanted – I’ve never denied him any requests…wait that’s a lie! I did force him to go on TV with me for The Secret Lives of Women. But honestly back then he was a just my boy…now he’s much more…He will always be my boy, ultimately, only now he is also my MAN. He’s becoming such a great example of what a good man is that it makes me jump up my game. He deserves my best and I vow to do bring it!

I wish everyone could find the person who makes them want to give their all to make life better. Life is enough of a struggle outside the home. Home should be sacred and safe. Now that we’re crossing the other side of this bridge in his timeline, I am even more excited about what OUR future holds. This is my kind of love – it’s the kind that moves on…to quote one of my favorite songs from the Singles soundtrack.

Lv – a very much in love - M

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