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Michelle From Hell (1)
44 years old Houston, Texas, United States

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My D/s dynamic as reflected in cooking

Blog Created: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 6:41:51 PM
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My D/s dynamic as reflected in cooking
Journal Entry | 4 days ago

What a strange title, huh? Well there is a reason for it and by the end of this hopefully it will become clear. Forewarning - I am only on my second cup of coffee and had a rough night of much interrupted sleep, so this may not be as clear as some of my past pieces...

Yesterday Will and I talked about the importance of mutual exchange in a Master/slave relationship. For us it's not all about the slave taking care of the Master, but also the Master having the ability to draw out the slave's need/desire to fulfill the Master's needs by inspiring them through the Master's abilty to care for the slave's well being too.

A part of my D/s exchange comes out in terms of cooking. While many other Masters prefer to have their slaves cook all the meals as a part of their servitude -- and I too have had relationships where I required this, especially when my slave was a chef/great cook -- I honestly prefer to control our diets/meal time. For me it's a variation of my eating disorder and it's "gift" of controlling a part of my life at the root; but as it applies to my D/s, it's foundation is based in caring for those in my care. [It doesn't hurt that I happen to be a very good cook and often have been praised for my ability in this area.]

While the cancer was raging I could no longer bring this talent to the table. The very smell of food would send me rushing to the bathroom to throw up. [Thus the massive loss of weight Ive experienced - 28 lbs since January] During those months the cooking responsibilities fell on Will which equated to us having a very simple and often repeated menu. He did a fine job of it but often commented on how much he missed me having that responsibilty.

Slowly I have become able to 'retake that power', but with like many aspects of our dynamic, it has matured and changed. Last night was a prime example so I am going to tell you what happened to clarify what I mean. One of my guilty pleasures happens to be watching the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. We don't have cable at home, so pretty much the only way I get to have that pleasure is when we come housesit in Baytown. Unfortunately it happens to air at the exact time I prefer to have dinner, so I am frequently seen bouncing in and out of the kitchen during commericals to prepare the meal.

After making us an appeatiser [sp?] of potato skins and almost burning them [I am unaccustomed to a real oven after two years of not using one at home], Will saw an opportunity to help. [He HATES the show, and probably saw this as a chance to escape it while earning Brownie points with me.] As I reveled in the first show of the new season, he went into the kitchen and began sous cheffing the main meal for me.

Now, we weren't having anything fancy -- Beef Strognaoff Hamburger Helper -- but it did require gathering items to prepare. He started browning the meat, got the liquids measured and warmed, and waited for a commerical break where he knew I would rush in. "It's all ready for you to work your magic," he said when I did. All I had to do was dice the garlic, add the onions/fresh ground black pepper and finish adding the pasta, sauce packet and liquids. My cooking was easy and pleasurable and I didn't have to miss a moment of the show. The delicious food was a team effort, which we shared the credit for by each praising the other's contribution -- much like our relationship.

Whenever I hear Master's/Dom's complaining that their slaves are dropping the ball in terms of tending to the M/D's needs, I tend to inquire if they have made their expection clear in advance or if they just expect the slave to know those needs inherently. Part of developing a D/s dynamic is clarifying the goals through not only words, but actions in terms of the Leader's desires. How can this been done?

Reiteration. Develop a standard and/or pattern. If you have food prefences write out a grocery list with the exact items you want and make it clear WHY you like those things. EG: I prefer whole grain pastas and breads. They are better for you and it doesn't change the taste and texture of the products. Will only buys whole grain Goldfish -- a snack really only purchased for him -- because he understands it meets my standard for what goes into our bodies in terms of carbs. Plus I've programmed him to believe they taste better!

This kind of thing applies to all kinds of stuff. He knows I have sensitive skin so he only brings home laundry detergent that is 'chemical free'. When we go out to eat or when he's sent to pick up fast food, he's aware that I don't like onions and if I forget to say so when ordering he tells the waiter/window in advance. If we are at a public event, he physically put himself between strangers and myself to allow me the space I need to be comfortable. He has observed me so closely that he can just look at me out of the corner of his eye and access how well I am feeling at any given moment. This permits him to take me aside for a rest if I begin pushing myself too hard.

This to me is the difference between a slave and a submissive. A submissive tends to work better with lists and constant direction while a slave takes the time to memorize my preferences and applies them as standards to be upheld. In doing so it allows me -- the Master -- to free up my mind and focus on what I can contribute to the slave's life to help them grow as a person. I am blessed with opportunities to share in their developments and in return taken care of
them in a manner that pleases me.

As any good M/s dynamic participant will admit, the bottomline for most of us is being happy and fulfilled in our lives. I find this utopia can be obtained when each player makes the effort -- and great relationships DO take some level of effort -- and shares the goal of raising each other up. I personally could never remain happy in a dynamic with someone who required humilation, antagonization [is that even a word? hopefully y'all get what I mean], and/or constant coddling. Give me devotion through close obervation, a desire to meet my needs and someone driven for growth instead.

Watch out folks - I've been blogless for many months with little to do but ponder. This means y'all will get more of these types of writings in the very near future. I hope you enjoy them, lv M

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